I’ve really been struggling for the past two to three months with this question: What the heck am I here for?
My buddy Zane started me down this road because he’s asking himself the same thing. Then my brother (Michael) asked me something like, “If money, education, location, didn’t matter, what would you do with your life? What’s your dream?” Then my buddy Dennis Gable and I had this great conversation about our dreams and now he’s posted this blog on what your life’s mission statement is: Are You Taking Life On A Journey? DG messes me up. Dude always gives me stuff that has to “soak” for a while. I want to over-think it, to process it, to adjust it and make it fit where it belongs, amongst the varying compartments in my brain…but I can’t. I MUST take time and let it ruminate. I just feel like I can’t get away from this thing!
Today, I had a life-changing conversation with my friend Sue (who happens to be my boss). I told Sue that I know I’m here to be a great Daddy and husband and to interpret, but what else? I’m no longer in ministry as a youth pastor or worship leader, I no longer have the radio show, I’m no longer on the State board of interpreters, so I just honestly feel less important and less useful. I told Sue, “I know there has to be more…something greater.”
“Well, doesn’t EVERYONE dream of doing something awesome…something wonderful…something to be remembered for?”
“Because I want to help!”
“No you don’t. You’re controlling. Very controlling. You think that you’re the only one who can save the world and you need to stop.”
I sat across from this 67-year-old, extremely successful, extremely “in-demand” woman who has been sent ’round the world on business, and she told me that the only thing that matters in life is what you think about when you take your last breath. She was very clear that the only things that matter in her life are: her husband, her children, and her dogs. She’s made big money, been at the top of the corporate ladder, and is very well-known in our field, but she said, “Learn it now and enjoy a lot more of your life.”
She went on to say, “There are people who would say I’ve had some kind of an impact on their life. So what? It doesn’t matter. I still have to clean my toilet. I still have to sweep my own floor.”
So here are the thoughts I’m left with tonight:
- Why do we think titles and positions matter so much?
- Who has taught us that what we do matters more than who we are?
- Why am I so uncomfortable, sitting, being quiet, being alone, being with myself?
- I want to learn the difference between helping and serving.
- It’s healthy to tell people no.
I’m going to put a lot of time into my life’s mission statement over the next several days, and I’ll share it with ya when it’s ready.