you may think i’m this perfect girl who has it all under control. on the outside, that’s what i look like and act like. but if you really knew me, you’d know all that…it’s a lie. i was born into what the world views as a perfect family. mommy, daddy, their little girl, and a small cozy house in alabama. i was raised in church. i was saved at age 5 in VBS, and knew all the “church” answers. the problem was, i had religion but not a relationship.
my family loves me and has always loved me. family has never been an issue for me. self-esteem, on the other hand, always has. i’ve always been the sort of hopeless, romantic type. i always had the strange need to be loved, not just by my family and friends. i wanted a fairytale of my own.in 7th grade, this guy came into my life. he was my WORLD, even though we only went out for a month. i was at the beach the summer before 8th grade, checked my facebook, and found that i had several messages from different friends all about the same thing….him. in the month we dated he: asked my friend what she’d do if he kissed her, asked another if she’d go out with him if we broke up and asked her for pictures (she said yes), asked another for a picture of her in her new bikini, and sent a message to a bunch of my friends asking what they’d do if they woke up next to him…naked. i was devastated. as you can imagine, this did NOT help my self-esteem. i saw myself as a failure. an ugly, worthless piece of junk.
i came to my decision. i was gonna take the pain out on myself. one night in the shower, i picked up my dad’s razor and slit my wrist. i thought it would be a sense of relief. in my mind, it would help me choose when i was in pain and when i wasnt.all it did was cause more problems. and it hurt. i had to find another way to relieve the pain. i turned to anorexia, and when my parents started getting suspicious, i changed to bulimia. i even once tried to take my own life.in my mind, the world hated me, and if i was gone, it would be one less problem for them to deal with. if my mom hadn’t gotten home early, i wouldn’t be sitting here today. but God had bigger plans.
my friend hannah sensed something was going on, though she knew nothing. she invited me to come to the basement with her. matt pitt spoke on love that night. he told me that God loved me, that i was beautiful in God’s eyes, that he bought me with a price, that i was VALUABLE AND LOVED, and the God had plans for my life. that night radically changed me. i was set free.
many guys have come and gone since then. i look at it this way, i haven’t found my prince charming yet. but i know my daddy is the King of Kings. it gets hard sometimes, and the temptation is still there every once in a while, but i know how to fight it. i know that no guy’s opinion changes who i am. i am a daughter of the most high God, i am beautiful because i was made in his image, and i am on this earth to accomplish extraordinary things for His Kingdom.
Psalm 45:11 “Let the King be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord.”
I am a recipient of radical grace.
I believe in second chances.
I am in love with a woman who's so much better than I could ever hope to be.
I am Daddy to the coolest little boy on the planet.
I love Dreamers.
I am addicted to black coffee.
I love my girl. I am so proud of her. While I hurt because of the things she has been through, God is so much bigger than all of that and he has HUGE plans for that little Miracle!!!! She is #7, God number for completion. 6 miscarriages and then along came my # 7 Miracle! Can’t wait to see what God does in her life. Keep looking for Jesus in all those boys and when you see him more than the guy, then you’ve found the one your would loves!
Sigh. Thank you Jesus for how amazing you are. For saving us from ourselves and freeing us from the crazy yet so truthful sounding lies that we believe. Thank you that you never change your mind about us..thank you that you’ll always be irrevocably and radically in love with us.
I love my girl. I am so proud of her. While I hurt because of the things she has been through, God is so much bigger than all of that and he has HUGE plans for that little Miracle!!!! She is #7, God number for completion. 6 miscarriages and then along came my # 7 Miracle! Can’t wait to see what God does in her life. Keep looking for Jesus in all those boys and when you see him more than the guy, then you’ve found the one your would loves!
Sigh. Thank you Jesus for how amazing you are. For saving us from ourselves and freeing us from the crazy yet so truthful sounding lies that we believe. Thank you that you never change your mind about us..thank you that you’ll always be irrevocably and radically in love with us.