For quite some time I had a huge flaw in my personal theology which I carried close to my heart. I had written in the belief that God had every reason to distance himself from me because of my failures. I’d picture Him behind a locked door saying, “You can access me again, once you get your life straightened out.”
It wasn’t until recently that I discovered this clause in my theology. Here’s how it happened…. I was standing near my seat at church during a very powerful altar call, praying for the lives that responded, but not feeling particularly inclined to pray with any of them. So I turned my prayers to self-inspection. I stood there and thought, “I’m kind of glad that I don’t have anything major to get rid of.” (I am sure God looked at me with a smirk at this point). As I stood and quieted my mind I heard the spirit of God saying, “What are you afraid of?” Wow, the list that came pouring from my heart was raw and honest. I began to weep as I pictured myself before the body of Christ being crucified. Choosing to hold on to all of my fears meant that I must stare into the eyes of my Savior and say, “Your sacrifice was not enough”. I did not want to feel that way about the one who exchanged His life for mine. As the flow of tears became stronger I began to let go of most of my fears.
The one that remained was the newest and strongest…. The fear of losing the child that was growing in my womb. The joy, the promise, the future that was nestled inside me. The voice of the of the Lord once again spoke to my heart saying, “Would I be with you any less?” It was then that I realized that the distance between us is created by choice. I choose to allow Him access or hold Him at arm’s length. He can remain intertwined with me in any circumstance IF I allow Him. He is not afraid of my failures or embarrassed by my imperfections.
Donald Miller’s book “ A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” is helping solidify this revelation. He says on page 108, “The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is “Do not fear.” It’s in there over two hundred times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn’t let fear boss us around.”
1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
–Lindsey Austin
TheHeartofaMystic.com
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